I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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