No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
