It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
