I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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