Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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