Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
