Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
