whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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