If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
