# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
everyone is single if you try hard enough
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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