The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
