Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
