It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
