sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
