My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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