You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
