if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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