1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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