Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
