feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
