Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
