I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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