Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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