i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
