Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
