Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
pray to the hookup gods
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
