apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
