Plan B is the new Plan A
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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