one two three fourrrrnication!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
