She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
