Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
