Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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