guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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