I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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