You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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