I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
