whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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