I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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