I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You need a sexual gate keeper
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
