Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
