i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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