just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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