I faked an abortion last night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
