Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize