matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
