I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
