he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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