There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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