shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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