Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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