This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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