And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
