remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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