I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
