My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
