My girlfriend figured out who you are.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
