my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
