Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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