Do you still have your period?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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