sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
