He uses pillows to masturbate.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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