so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
