Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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