so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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