so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
