OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
