I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize