wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
