I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
