1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
