She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
