And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
3 2 1 whiskey
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
