I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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