forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
